Building Confidence in your children

So over the past couple of weeks I've had some reoccurring thoughts concerning building confidence in myself and others, particularly my children. I've had promptings as I study and ponder experiences I've had or observed. I feel it important to try to write these thoughts down. I've decided I won't be able to cover it all, because there is a lot to it...but I'm going to try and write the most important parts of developing the strongest sort of confidence and maintaining this confidence according to my heart!

First off, everyone wants their children to "hold the world in their hands" so to speak. We as well as for our children desire to feel optimistic about our futures, and expect success. We want for ourselves and our children to feel comfortable in our own skin, and recognize the goodness in our lives and feel hope. These are strong characteristics associated with confidence. Their are two kinds of confidence I think. The world seems to view a sort of "self-confidence" based on being able to do well at something. This is where the notion that putting your child in a certain activity that they eventually excell at will build their confidence. It's true, it does build their self-confidence... sometimes even their pride, unfortuanately.  Don't get me wrong...all of our children have many activities which enhance and bless their lives. Luckily they've been humble and grateful for the most part. But some fall into the trap of even believing that confidence comes from being better than somebody else or having more. This is the worlds answer for a high self-esteem. I've seen this sort of self-esteem not hold up when the child has hard times or fails. For adults it's much the same, feelings of defeat...like we just aren't all that great. It's sort of a shallow sort of confidence that really leads an individual into always wanting more and never really feeling fulfilled if not balanced.

 I have observed with myself and in raising my children that you can have an army of people telling you that you are amazing and wonderful, but until you believe you are living a life amazing and wonderful you continue to deny it. So what really is amazing and wonderful?" As I've observed this it ties strongly into who am I? Does a higher law exist that God governs? Does this law being followed make me amazing and wonderful? In reality self-esteem is being self-sufficient and being able to look upwards working towards your goals, right? It's when you can handle disappointment as well as success. It's taking responsibility having self-fulfillment. Now here's the coolest part....

There is an even stronger sort of confidence that truly does come from a higher power whom I'll refer to as Heavenly Father or God. This is where the miracles, balance and ability to successfully know where to even center your goals and have determination to accomplish them come. This is where the actual being able to "hold the world in your hands" feeling is attainable, but with one exception...Heavenly Father giving the strength to "hold the world" as so to speak. This is why children succeed, without needing to be nursed along with constant "never cutting the apron strings" syndrome from a parent.  The answer is simply....God. Service to others, and personal and daily supplication with Him will develop lasting confidence. Physical elements are important, but according to Russell M. Neilson spiritual and physical elements each must be nurtured if we are to earn proper self-esteem. Service is a principal that contributes to "strong enough" confidence to "bounce back" because it develops humility and confidence at the same time. It's knowing you don't have to carry heavy burdens on your back alone, that Heavenly Father will carry them. He sent His Son to this earth who Atoned for our sins or basically to carry our burden of sin or trial for us. It's interesting that when we come unto Him our confidence and faith grow. All we have to do is live His laws and He'll bless us with his grace or power as we do so.

So you might be saying, "Well, how do you teach a child to have personal and daily scripture study, prayer, and supplication before God? and is it too late to start now?" Honestly, I don't think it's ever too late. Just as you feed your child food and introduce them to yummy new foods you also feed them spiritually by introducing them to the fulfillment of scriptural and prayerful feast. Continue doing this as an example that they will apply these things into their own personal life if they chose. This in my opinion is the most important thing a parent can teach a child. For when that child has a difficult time they will remember the things you taught, if they are wise.

Now I want to go into building confidence in another angle too...
 I really agree with John Lund (family and marriage therapist). He stated for a successful marriage you must have acceptance, affection, and appreciation. I want to go a step further and say that the human needs these three things to successfully progress and reach their highest potential...Acceptance, Affection, and Appreciation. But I must add another big "A" which is most important. That is Atonement. Teaching a child by feeding them with these 4 keys and teaching them to live by them provides the spiritual and physical environment for them to succeed. If you think about it deeply this is why relationships flourish, why children grow up to be great, and why people survive the most severe of circumstances.

Acceptance= being fiercly loyal, respect, patient, cherish, look to their heart rather than performance, encourage
Affection=hug and kiss, compliment, show concern, tender, compassionate, touch (Matt. 9:29-30 and John 13: 4-5) And never turn from love- embrace it
Appreciation=chose to notice good, lift, strengthen, honor them, build them up in honesty
Atonement=teach them repentance (to feel bad, apologize, make ammends, and never do it again) teach them of Christ's mercy and justice, teach of Christs grace and miracles, never give up, forgive others- not that it makes the wrong a right but it frees them, That they are entiltled to all these gifts of the Spirit and to rely on Christ and He will guide their path.

When these 4 keys are the guiding teaching tools and foundation of the home there is no need for manipulation, or doing your child's responsibilities, or even bailing them out when they fail. By doing these things it actually takes away your child's confidence. They will be strong enough to handle disappointments that the world throws at us. They will be resilient and accomplish great goals. God will be with them. You will be with them and they will know it.

This sort of confidence which is referred to as faith or trust. The Book of Mormon ( a LDS book of scripture) has such powerful examples of people who have this "faith or trust" that it not only builds self-esteem but develops and heals the dignity of the individual, according to Spencer W. Kimball. I have seen this healing power in myself and others who are very close to me. Well, I've written enough to bore probably most so I'll stop. It's a beginning of how I feel anyway. I have a lot more to learn, but for now this will suffice.